That You Had Then
by to-be-stardust
Summary: Sometimes, on quiet evenings, you both sit together in your common room, and stare at the crackling fire. Or, a chronicle of Lily's Hogwarts years.


_Based very loosely on Fifteen by Taylor Swift. I was trying out a new writing style and hopefully, more of these will come. It took a little longer than usual, but it fits this kind of story. _

It's been exactly one month since that letter has come and you still can't believe that you are, special. Not odd, not a freak, not insane, but special. You can be something those bullies in grade school can't, you can step out from Tuney's shadow. You love her, but she's always better, and now she's not there to best you.

Sev is already in a compartment, and he jumps up as you enter. It seems like he will hug you for a moment, but he instead ushers you into a seat and then there is an uncomfortable silence. Silence with Sev is always strained, so you strike up a conversation. He tells you a little about Hogwarts, but two boys with black hair come in before he finishes.

The one with glasses has pretty eyes, you note. The glasses magnify those hazel eyes and you develop a tiny crush on him. Then, he insults Sev and you start to hate him. The pair sits in your compartment for a while and you hate them a little bit more. The handsome, grey-eyed one is so very arrogant. He is quick to insult you and Sev. The one with pretty eyes is named James he tells you, and he is staring at you for a long time, but you turn to stare back and he looks down.

Eventually, you get sick of them and yell at them when they won't leave. Sev sighs when they are gone, and so do you. The sweet lady with treats comes soon, and you buy just about everything, and Sev ends up helping you eat it after he finishes a Chocolate Frog, the only thing he bought.

* * *

It's Second Year now and you and your group of friends are chatting by a young beech tree, by the lake. You have many friends, but they are the closest, besides Sev. Sev has been drifting though, you can feel it. He forgets a study date sometimes, ignores you others. That's okay. You have Alice and Marley and Hest for when he gets like that. They don't like him, even sweet, blond haired, blue eyed Alice.

You're used to golden haired, laughing Marley and raven haired, fair skinned Hestia making fun of him in whispers when they think you don't hear them. They only see a greasy haired, and shadowed featured boy, they don't see the Sev you learned to love as a brother. You don't see him like that that either sometimes, when you think about it.

James Potter and Sirius Black have made friends. The shy Remus Lupin, you ran into him on the platform and he's perfectly charming and a seemingly cowardly Peter Pettigrew. You make fun of him with the girls behind his back. There's something odd about him.

Potter has taken to annoying you. He's asked for a kiss, and has even dyed your clothes a violent pink to clash with your fiery hair. When you write Mom, she says he's only trying to get attention and to ignore him. You want to write Tuney, and you did, but she never replies.

* * *

You are at the head of your class and you couldn't feel more on top of it. It is Third Year and just about the whole school is your friend. Sev has been absent from your life for these first few months of class, so Remus Lupin studies with you. He is the kindest of the Maurders and the two of you have little spats about things like you did with Sev. Sev only waves now in the hallways. It puzzles you because he is the same as always during the summer, but he is so, so distant here.

Potter is asking you out now. He seems to feel that since he has made the Quidditch team everybody loves him. It is this year that Hogsmeade is open to you and Alice has already gotten herself a boyfriend in Frank Longbottom. He is sweet and gentle, if every bit as clumsy as Alice. You wish you had someone to buy you sweets too, but you'll take nothing over Potter any day. Marley has been with a new boy on her arm many times, and each date is described in extreme detail. She's been a hit with the boys. Her straight blonde hair and china glass features give her an air of sweetness and clarity.

Hest is also romantically involved. She had been raving about handsome Gilderoy Lockhart for at least a year now and he finally asked her to Hogsmeade. Your sharp eyes catch Black staring at him enviously when they head off, even though the blond next to him is grabbing him arm tightly.

Did you know that Remus was a werewolf? You realize quickly and your friendship is only stronger after that. Remus told you that James was a nice boy and that you should give him a chance, but you are disbelieving.

* * *

Fourth Year and you are already worried about OWLs. You feel like with only a year and a half to prepare, you should study more. But, with Slughorn's parties every other night and prepping for your date with Amos Diggory nearly twice a week, your study time is cut short and you feel like you're moving so fast. Easter is only a few weeks away and you feel like it was only November yesterday.

You try to find a bright side one day, and the only one is that dating Amos has stopped Potter from asking you out so extravagantly. That's hardly a plus though, he instead asks at regular intervals throughout the day.

Alice has been keeping track and he's asked you out a total of 348 times. Dumbledore gave him a medal the 300th time (only last month) to the great surprise of the school. It was from then on deemed, Lily _Potter _day at Hogwarts.

It is two weeks from spring break now and you realize you haven't seen Sev for a month. When you owl him to meet you in the Kitchens, he comes but only stays for a few minutes. He is drifting, and you fear that he cannot be saved now. Only, you keep this to yourself.

* * *

Now it really is Fifth Year and you really do need to prepare for OWLs. You broke it off with Diggory because he was _such_ a distraction. Remus and you have become closer than ever, and you two are constantly laughing about everything when it is your night to do rounds. When it is the full moon, you walk around alone, cringing when a particularly loud howl punctures the silent atmosphere.

You have seen Sev a total of three times in these first four months of school, out of classes. The first time, he is dueling Potter. You walk off, pretending not too see. Because you don't want to talk to Potter and because you're sure a spell your best friend uses is illegal.

Hest has been swooning about Black. Marley and you don't comment on it now, because she doesn't see how arrogant he is. That reminds you, since Amos is gone (you two still remain on friendly terms) he is more extravagant than ever. You are angry when he ditches his date to ask you out.

You comfort his date later, when her sobs have subsided and the two of you can verbally abuse Potter together. You keep fighting with Potter, sometimes even when he doesn't deserve it. You need something constant in this ever changing world, full of war casualties and Ministry cover-ups. He is your anchor. Make sure you hold on to him.

On that day, the End Beach Day you later call it, it finally strikes you how much you hid from yourself, and when Sev apologizes, you know he's hid more. You pull up his sleeve, and much to your relief, he is not yet branded.

* * *

Sixth Year and you are slipping away, from sanity and that sweet little world of not knowing. The deaths are more frequent. Studies are far from your mind when you find a group of future Death Eaters all gathered together and planning something. Remus calls Dumbledore, you didn't want to because you are not stupid, and you don't want more enemies, they already hate you enough.

It finally hits you, when Marley's parents die, that you need to watch your back, you're next. You find it odd that your friend does not cry, until you catch her crying herself to sleep. You crawl into bed with her and rock her to sleep, like a mother would. Neither of you comment on it, and you offer her a grim smile when she receives a sympathy card.

Hest is over Black now, she has moved on. You like being around her, because she is so light and bubbly. Her innocence is conceived as ignorance by some, but you know now that it is a façade. You still don't mind a break, and often chat with her about her newest boy toy.

Alice is as gentle as ever, still dating Frank Longbottom. And Sev, you know he's gone.

Potter is quieting down now, there are rumors that his parents have caught Dragon Pox, and you can't help but feel sorry for him. A smile crosses your face when he laughs at your little prank on him.

* * *

Seventh Year starts out interestingly. You and James are Heads, and you learn to like him. His parents do have the Pox, and you know him well enough not to mention it. Sometimes, on quiet evenings, you both sit together in your common room, and stare at the crackling fire. One day, you reach out to take his hand in yours in a tight squeeze, and he doesn't seem to mind. It soon becomes ordinary for you two to show that little act of affection.

One day, your dorm mate is crying in his room. Without saying a word, go up to him and hold him let him cry on your shoulder and make soothing, _shhh_ sounds.

Your friends are distant now; all of you are drawn in to the world of grief and misery. But, when Alice plans a girl's night, it's like Fourth Year again, and you go back to an easy friendship. An easy friendship, it lifts your spirits and helps you smile more often.

Middle of the year and that arrogant toe rag becomes _your_ arrogant toe rag. You can tell that the world is so much brighter now. Now, just remember that strangling him when he wakes you up _way too early _is not going to improve your relationship. Try making him cuddle with you until you fall back asleep again.


End file.
